How to Connect With Others
I remember worrying on the first day of school each year about who I would sit with at lunch. I’ve asked friends on multiple occasions to come with me to an event so I don’t have to walk in by myself. Having the courage to be alone is important, but I find that these times of wanting a companion are nearly universal human experiences. We long for meaningful connections, but sometimes it can feel so hard to make friends.
What is a Meaningful Connection?
A meaningful connection is a healthy relationship where both people respect, trust, and support one another. It is someone that you feel comfortable being vulnerable with, that you can reach out to for support, and that makes you feel valued.
You might think to yourself, after reading the description above, that you wish you had deeper connections with others. It’s okay if you don’t have a network of dozens of close friends, but having two or three friends or family friends that you feel safe and comfortable with is an important aspect of your mental and even physical well-being.
How Can I Create Connections?
One of the best ways to connect with others is to present your genuine self and personality. But that can sound easier said than done! How can you come across as genuine in a conversation? Here are a few tips:
Be present: One of the most important things you can do when trying to connect with someone is to be fully present in the moment. Just as you would notice if a friend sitting across the table is scrolling through Instagram every few minutes, they’ll be able to tell if you are distracted from the present moment. For both people to feel valued in a relationship, it is important to see and feel that the most important thing when you are together is each other.
Listen actively: Listening to others with interest is an important way to make them feel safe and valued in your company. Pay attention to what the other person is saying, ask questions, and show genuine interest in what they have to say. Notice if they are treating you with the same respect and interest.
Share your own experiences: Being vulnerable is a courageous act. When you open up about your own life and experiences with someone, they will see that you trust them, and they will be more willing to trust you.
Find common ground: Look for shared interests or experiences, and use them as a starting point for conversation. For example, if you both love hiking, ask about their favorite trails or plan a time to go out and explore a new one together.
Be consistent: One of the best gifts you can give someone to show that you care is your time. If you follow up regularly to check in about their week, or reach out to plan intentional times to get together, they will see that you’re willing to fit them into your schedule. Once again, notice in the relationship if you are being valued in this same way.
Be open-minded: Everyone has different experiences, perspectives, and beliefs. Some of the strongest connections are between those who are willing to have calm, productive conversations about topics they don’t always agree on. Have a desire to compromise and hear the other person out.
Join a group or club: This is a great way to meet new people who share a common interest. You can join a sports team, book club, regular workout class, volunteer group, or small group at church.
These tips are just a starting point of things to keep in mind when you decide to pursue deeper connections with your family, friends, or coworkers. A solid foundation for any relationship requires mutual respect for and commitment to one another. If you approach others with a desire to listen and show that you care, you’re on the right track.
