Honoring the Journey: Navigating Grief with Grace and Resilience
His personality seemed to be gone. The first two weeks after my dog Samson suddenly lost his sight, he didn’t want to walk or even move. He laid in his bed, wanted me to carry him everywhere, his whole body shook, and he was sad. The life as he knew it was no longer the same. He couldn’t see the squirrels every morning running along the fence, or in the tree, waiting for him to come and chase them. He couldn’t catch a flying frisbee in the air as he jumped. He couldn’t see (nontoxic) bubbles that he would run after, jump, and conquer.. His world suddenly became dark. As I would go to bed each evening, and the lights turned off, and darkness ensued, I constantly thought of Samson and how this is his new normal. Visual darkness. No wonder he was depressed. He had not yet learned how to still have a full life, how to navigate the world, how to not rely on his visual senses, and his other senses such as hearing and smell had not kicked in to offset the loss of vision. He was scared and unsure of himself.
Grief. Loss. I am not a stranger to it myself, and neither is Samson. There is one thing we all have in common. In this life, we will all experience grief and loss. It's an inevitable part of our journey. It is important to know how to navigate these challenging times. The road through grief and loss involves grace, understanding, support, and resilience. You will experience a variety of emotions and have the opportunity for introspection, surrender, and growth. A key word I hope that you remember as we discuss grief and loss is the word “through.” Grief is not a static journey. It involves movement and is also a very personal journey. Your relationship to grief and loss and the way in which you heal is individual to you. What works for one person may not work for another and that is okay!
How we walk through grief is largely determined by where your hope is found.
Where is your anchor and what, or more importantly WHO do you anchor to in times of grief, loss, pain?
Understanding Grief: A Natural Response to Loss
Grief is a natural response to loss. It is all encompassing and unpredictable. There are 12 systems in the human body and they are all interconnected and susceptible to the effects of grief and loss. Let’s look at some of the physical and emotional manifestations of grief.
Physical Manifestations of Grief
Headaches
Nausea
Fatigue
Muscle tension and aches
Dizziness
Brain fog
Decreased immune system
Heaviness in your chest
Emotional Manifestations of Grief
Anger
Sadness
Numbness
Shock
Guilt
Helplessness
Powerlessness
Fear
Sadness
relief
These are just a few of the many ways in which grief and loss impact people. I want you to know that there is no “right” way to grieve. People within the same family will even experience the impacts of grief and loss differently. Comparison to others' losses and how they cope is not helpful in the journey through grief and loss. There are so many aspects that play into how people grieve. Personality, temperament, previous life experiences, mental health concerns, levels of support, spiritual belief system, and more. Grief can be overwhelming. It is important to acknowledge how you are feeling and to process it rather than push it away. The responses to loss make sense, even if you don’t think they do at the time.
Loss comes in a variety of forms. Some of the losses that bring about grief and mourning are the death of a loved one, Loss of a job, Chronic Illness, Loss of hopes and dreams – of having children, of being married, End of a relationship, Serious illness, Moving, Infant loss, Miscarriage, Pet loss, and Estrangement from family. These are just a few! The list could go on. Some losses are noticed and acknowledged by others while other losses can feel missed or forgotten. All kinds of losses deserve to be honored and acknowledged.
The Role of Faith and Spirituality in Navigating Grief
Studies show that those who have a spiritual belief system resolve their grief more fluidly than those who do not. Faith and spirituality can provide a source of solace and comfort during times of grief. For many, belief in God offers a sense of hope and meaning in the face of loss. If this is you, cling to Him. Allow Him to comfort you, to be your sustainer and source of strength.
If you are reading this and are angry at God for the loss you experienced, He can handle that too. I have been here. I understand. Take your feelings to Him. Ask questions, wrestle with Him. I encourage you not to walk away or turn your back, but rather run to Him with your pain.
Embracing spirituality in the midst of grief and loss provides a source of grounding, support, comfort, and meaning. If you are struggling with the spiritual aspect, reach out for support. I would be happy to discuss this with you or get you in touch with someone who can as well.
The Dual Process Model of Grief:
There are various models that can give context when navigating grief and loss. Many have heard of the 5 stages of grief by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. That was actually initially written for those with terminal illness – describing what they go through in the dying process. There is significant grief in a terminal illness diagnosis. From there, it was taken and used as a model for navigating grief and loss in general. This model is useful in many ways, yet one shortcoming is that grief is NOT linear. And not all people go through every stage.
A model that I prefer that feels realistic to the experience of grief is called the Dual Process Model of Grief and Loss. This model discusses two main processes that occur simultaneously: the loss oriented process and the restoration oriented process. Within the loss oriented process are things associated with the grief and loss such as a variety of emotions, shock, denial, releasing ties, and intrusions of grief.. Within the restoration oriented process there are day to day life activities, distractions, moving forward in life, etc. As people grieve, we tend to bounce back and forth between the two. If you have experienced a deep loss, you may understand this. Have you been out shopping and suddenly you are reminded of who or what you lost? It could be a smell, a store, a song that is playing that triggers the grief and you begin to cry? Or have you had moments where you are feeling the depths of the pain that accompanies loss and you scroll through your phone, see a funny reel and begin to laugh? These are examples of the Dual Process Model of Grief. Both loss oriented and restoration oriented activities occur simultaneously.
Seeking Support: The Importance of Community
Grief can feel lonely. It can be isolating. Seeking support from others who understand can be incredibly healing. Connecting with friends, family, or support groups who have experienced similar losses can provide a sense of validation and understanding. Sharing our stories, memories, and emotions with others who can relate can be a powerful way to navigate grief together.
Professional counseling or therapy can also be immensely beneficial during the grieving process. Therapists trained in grief counseling can provide guidance, tools, and a safe space to explore emotions and find healthy ways to cope. We can help you navigate the complexities of grief and provide support as you journey through the healing process and begin to fully live again.
Finding Resilience Amidst Grief: Cultivating Strength and Hope
While grief can feel all-consuming, it's important to remember that you are resilient. Resilience is the ability to recover from difficulties and find strength in the midst of challenges. It does not mean that you bounce back to the same as you were before. Rather, human resilience in the face of grief and loss involves facing reality, tending to the impacts of grief and loss, finding meaning, and in time transitioning energy into life moving forward. This does not mean that the person or thing you lost is forgotten or replaced. It just means that it is okay for you to keep living. Your purpose on earth is not done yet. There is more for you to experience and accomplish.
Grief and Loss change a person. As a result, we have the opportunity to decide how to respond to the loss. This is not easy. This process can be long and feel like a rollercoaster, but you are resilient and support is available for the journey.
Embracing Healing and Growth after Loss
Honoring the journey of grief requires embracing the healing process and finding the strength to grow through your pain. By acknowledging and allowing yourself to connect to your anchor of hope, feel your emotions, seek support from professionals and those around you, and offering yourself compassion, you can navigate grief with grace and resilience.
Remember, grief is a deeply personal experience, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each journey is unique, and it's important to honor your own process while supporting others in theirs. By embracing healing and growth after loss, you can find meaning, hope, and a renewed sense of purpose in your life.
References:
Stroebe, M & Schut, H (2010). The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement: A Decade On. Omega, 61(4). P 273-289.
